Hallmark has added a new line of greeting cards.

Here is a sample from their ‘Dysfunctional Section.’
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.And now that you’ve come into my life..(Inside card) - I’ve changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life…(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am….(Inside card) - That you’re not here to ruin it for me.
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from myback? You’ll probably need it again.
5. Someday I hope to marry…(Inside card) - Someone other than you.
6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
7. When we were together, you said you’d die for me..(Inside card) - Now we’ve broken up, I think it’stime to keep your promise.
8. We’ve been friends for a very long time..(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
9. I’m so miserable without you…(Inside card) - It’s almost like you’re still here.
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy…(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking shipand there was only one life jacket…(Inside card) - I’d miss you terribly and think of youoften.
12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really specialfor your birthday…(Inside card) - So we’re having you put to sleep.
13. Looking back over the years we’ve been together, I can’thelp but wonder…(Inside card) - What was I thinking?
14. Congratulations on your wedding day!…(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband !